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`Let me carry your pain'
Ten years ago, while visiting Karabagh, I spent some time in Shushi and
asked the Karabagh Government if I could meet and interview the Armenian
refugees who had been re-housed in Shushi and its surrounding towns.
I am deeply grateful to the Karabagh Authorities who granted me my wish and
will never forget the people who had gathered in the square to talk to me
and tell me about their lives.
It was a cold November morning and it had rained the night before. The
refugees had come in their dozens, clean shaven, clad in their clean Sunday
bests, some carrying pictures of lost relatives, some carrying letters or
books and one middle-aged woman, carrying a pink rose which she offered
graciously to me.
I explained why I was there and why was it necessary that I would write
what they would tell me. At first they all started talking at the same
time, then, realizing the difficulty I had to follow them, they decided to
elect a spokesman. His name was Edward Lazari Hagopian. He was a man in his
early sixties, slim, muscular and bright with piercing blue eyes and gold
teeth which were glistening when the rays of the timid winter sun was
catching them.
Edward Lazari Hagopian
He said that he was happy to have this opportunity to tell his story,that
these refugees were from Baku, Kirovabad and Shushi, that over a quarter of
the population of this town were refugees, that now he lived not far from
here in a house where everyone was refugee. He said that life was extremely
difficult and there was no employment. He had lived for 30 years in Sumgait
and worked there. After the massacres by Azeri forces in Sumgait he went to
Baku, then after the killings in Baku he came to Karabagh. He said he had
seen terrible tragedies. He had two girls and his wife was a teacher in the
kindergarten. On 24th February she went to school and saw Azeri soldiers
and the teachers gathered. They told her to go home and not to come back.
He went to work at the factory and the Azeri soldiers told him to go home.
` I asked Edik my friend, he said the massacres have started. I am telling
you as it was. I couldn't believe how can one kill me. My wife said that
a
mob of Azeris went to the kindergarten and killed the children. She said
that she could save one child by putting her under the floor boards.
On 28thFebruary morning I took my wife and girls to our Azeri
neighbour for
safety. They told me to get out because it was not safe. At night I went
out, it was dark, I had a torch and I saw Azeri soldiers in a military car
looking for Armenians. They were pulling out the Armenians from their homes
and taking them to the synthetic factory. I followed them. It was full of
people and plenty of drain pipes. Children were crying. I saw a woman in a
nightdress and a naked child on the floor, people trying to revive her. I
took my jacket off and covered her.I took my family and went to search for
my wife`s relatives in Baku.I came to a sailor and asked my way. We found
three corpses in the house and went upstairs and put an iron bar behind the
door to stop the Azeris entering. The iron bar was covered with blood. The
woman there said that the Azeris had just killed her husband, she herself
was covered with blood and died later. We buried her in the factory. I came
out of the factory to walk back to the house and saw a naked girl dancing
for a group of Azeri soldiers. Every so on they were burning her with their
cigarettes, I thought she was a Lezgui. But when she screamed : `akh Mama
jan, akh Asdvadz ` I realized that she was Armenian.One of the Azeri
soldiers said this is how we deal with Armenians. Some of the Azeris from
the factory came and asked me to go back and work for them, because they
did not know the techniques of the machinery. I said no. I managed to send
my family to Armenia. Then we ended up here and have been given this small
flat. It is 12 years `.
Assia Mardian from Baku
She said that one of her sons was in University and that it was his last
year. She herself worked in a swing factory. One day a bus full of Azeri
soldiers came and warned her and other Armenians to leave the factory. On
their second visit, she left. I hid in my Azeri neighbour's house for two
weeks, they gave me bread. Then the Azeri mob stoned the windows of my
house. One night one Azeri agreed to help us travel by train to Armenia. I
paid him 20 roubles. My son was already in Karabagh. First we rented a
flat, then went to a hostel room. The family settled in one room. My son
went to war in Karabagh. He came back and married. In 1992 every day we
were bombed. The hostel was destroyed and we all became refugees and
homeless. My daughter in law became very ill : her nerves. She was operated
on four times. In 1994 my youngest son was killed in the war. In 1995 a
bomb fell and my daughter in law was killed, my other son became blind and
I lost my leg. We have no money, no job and live together in one room.
Arevik Khatchatrian from Sumgait
I have too many horrible stories. It was cold and we were all hungry. I
have stayed in shelters for one and half year as refugee. Then we started
building these new houses. And we started living like humans. We have built
it with our own hands, the men from Sumgait are professionals We cannot
compare our lives with those of the Azeri refugees. But in our family only
one person works and 6 people eat. Life is very difficult. We get from the
Karabagh Government 5000 drams ( equivalent in 2002 to five pounds sterling
) a month. Sometimes we have to search for food in rubbish bins. If our men
could find a job we would be happy. They could even go to town for work.
Everyone will work. We are not afraid of working. For 15 years we have
received no aid, nothing. What we need most of all is STATUS. We must get
refugee status, so that the we can be helped. We are true, real, refugees
but are not treated like refugees.
Davidian ( I could not make out the Christian name ) from Baku
We were living in Baku, when one night the Azeri soldiers together with a
large Azeri mob attacked our house and broke all the furniture and all the
windows. They killed my husband. I suffer from epilepsy and my son was
beaten and lost his eyesight. I have three children. We escaped to Maragha.
In Maragha we stayed in the house of people who had been killed. The
windows were all broken. It was very very cold. From Maragha we came to
Karabagh. We live in one room. My son cannot work. I cannot work. We are
given 5000 drams ( five pounds ) a month. It is very little. We are very
poor.
Ghookas Vitkhar Aramian ( from Baku )
My ancestors come from Iran but I was born in Baku. When the massacres
started in Baku, I was beaten up and they broke all my teeth. They killed
my wife and I lost one eye. I managed to escape to here. I live alone. I
have no job. I receive 5000 drams a month. I am very poor.
Irina Hagopian ( from Sumgait )
When the pogroms started in Baku and my husband was beaten up, he became an
invalid. We have four children. We managed to run to Karabagh. Here the
conditions are very difficult. At least we feel safe. But we are very poor.
We have no hope. We need work. We need a status. We need to be registered
as refugees, maybe someone will help
Raya Khatchatrian ( from Baku )
I left everything in Baku and run for my life. I have two children. No job.
No money It is important that we get status. I understand if nobody helps
Karabagh
Government, then Karabagh Government cannot help us. But we are very poor
and hungry. The money we are given is so little that I do not know what is
more important to buy. But I still keep our room and my children clean. I
understand that they are hundreds of thousands like me. The Karabagh
Government gives what they can but maybe you could ask the World Government
to help Karabagh to help us. Thank you.
Nouneh Ghaboulian ( from Shahumian )
The Azeris came with their tanks full of soldiers. They killed everyone. I
walked for 20 days. I left everything behind. At the end I could not even
carry myself. I reached Karabagh and was homeless for six months. Now I
have this room and 5.000 drams a month. But what we need is work. Is
status. If the world would recognize the Government of Karabagh, then we
would have a status as citizens of a free country. Like this we are
nothing. We are not refugees. We are nothing.
( she was crying and could not continue ).
Maria Mikhailovna ( from Baku )
I fled with my brother when they started killing our people. My brother
moved to Russia. He is a refugee there. I am a refugee here in Shushi. I am
alone. My beautiful house was destroyed and all my things were taken by the
Azeris. It is very difficult for me to live on handout from the Government.
( She was clasping and crossing her fingers in shame and desperation : her
fingers were long, slim and elegant. The hands of an aristocrat and of a
woman who had not been used to domestic chores ). She swallowed her tears
and said : I have no hope.
Leonora Aroustamian ( from Shushi )
After the pogroms my husband died and I escaped to Yerevan, then in 1999 I
came back to Shushi. I am a medical nurse. I earn 12.000 drams. But it is
very difficult. The neighbours at this refugee center are looking after my
daughter. But it is very difficult for us.
Lena Zadourian ( from Baku )
The Azeris came and killed my husband and my son. They raped my
daughter-in-law for three days and she is half-crazy now. I look after her
and my grand-daughter who is 14. I am 67 years old. We have no money. We
live in one room. My grand-daughter has a beautiful voice, a voice of
velvet and I wish that one day she could become a great singer like my
mother was.
Rima Abadjian ( from Shushi )
When the Azeris came, they killed my husband. I fled and left everything
behind. I arrived in Stepanakert. After five years, I returned to Shushi,
to my house. It was burnt down. I have 4 children. My son is dead. I
receive 6.000 drams. But it is impossible to feed my family. We are very
poor.
Movsess Tevossian ( from Sumgait )
After the massacres in Sumgait I went to Giumri, then the earthquake
happened and I was homeless again. Then I came to Shushi and I am in this
refugee center now. I remember that in our village only, in Sumgait, there
were 18.000 Armenians. Now they say that there are only 35 Armenians left.
Where are the rest of them ? How many have the Azeris killed?
During all this time, the refugees, men, women and children were behaving
with great dignity and refrained from crying. It was poignant. It was the
saddest day of my life. Faced with such heroism I was deeply humbled but
unfortunately, to my own shame, I could not hold back my own tears. Tears
of sorrow, of sadness, of compassion and solidarity with these people's
sufferings were running down my cheeks, like the drops of the rain which
was still hanging from the leaves of the surrounding trees, that morning in
Shushi, in that cold November day, when I joined my compatriots in their
unbearable journey of reminiscence of their Golgotha and their sufferings.
The man called Edward Lazari Hagopian approached me with compassion and
handed me a book: a book of poems and he said ` tsaved danem me latzir'
(`let me carry your pain don't cry, don't cry.'
Tsaved danem.
Where, in which country in this world, in which culture will you see people
who have suffered so much, who have lost so much, who, themselves, carry
such heavy burden of pain and heart-breakingly sad memories, who live with
so little income and in such sordid situations will ever ask you to `let
them carry your pain' ?
What kind of people are we Armenians to feel and demonstrate such altruism
and love for mankind, when faith and destiny have been so cruel to us, as
if our own pain: the massacres, the invasions, the pogroms,the killings,the
rapes and the genocides we have suffered are not enough for us to carry in
our minds, in our hearts and on our shoulders that we can still take on and
carry someone else's pain to lessen their sufferings and make life better
for them?
I wish that this expression `tsaved danem' was also popular in Turkey and
adopted in their everyday conversation where they could ask us Armenians
`let me carry your pain'! Then they would understand and realize how heavy
that pain is to carry, how deeply it is felt and how destructive and sad it
is for us Armenians, that our pain is not being shared, nor recognized and
nor condemned by the ones whose ancestors have caused it.
Odette Bazil
10:16:37 - 05/07/2012
http://www.lragir.am/engsrc/society-lrahos26767.html
From: Baghdasarian
Ten years ago, while visiting Karabagh, I spent some time in Shushi and
asked the Karabagh Government if I could meet and interview the Armenian
refugees who had been re-housed in Shushi and its surrounding towns.
I am deeply grateful to the Karabagh Authorities who granted me my wish and
will never forget the people who had gathered in the square to talk to me
and tell me about their lives.
It was a cold November morning and it had rained the night before. The
refugees had come in their dozens, clean shaven, clad in their clean Sunday
bests, some carrying pictures of lost relatives, some carrying letters or
books and one middle-aged woman, carrying a pink rose which she offered
graciously to me.
I explained why I was there and why was it necessary that I would write
what they would tell me. At first they all started talking at the same
time, then, realizing the difficulty I had to follow them, they decided to
elect a spokesman. His name was Edward Lazari Hagopian. He was a man in his
early sixties, slim, muscular and bright with piercing blue eyes and gold
teeth which were glistening when the rays of the timid winter sun was
catching them.
Edward Lazari Hagopian
He said that he was happy to have this opportunity to tell his story,that
these refugees were from Baku, Kirovabad and Shushi, that over a quarter of
the population of this town were refugees, that now he lived not far from
here in a house where everyone was refugee. He said that life was extremely
difficult and there was no employment. He had lived for 30 years in Sumgait
and worked there. After the massacres by Azeri forces in Sumgait he went to
Baku, then after the killings in Baku he came to Karabagh. He said he had
seen terrible tragedies. He had two girls and his wife was a teacher in the
kindergarten. On 24th February she went to school and saw Azeri soldiers
and the teachers gathered. They told her to go home and not to come back.
He went to work at the factory and the Azeri soldiers told him to go home.
` I asked Edik my friend, he said the massacres have started. I am telling
you as it was. I couldn't believe how can one kill me. My wife said that
a
mob of Azeris went to the kindergarten and killed the children. She said
that she could save one child by putting her under the floor boards.
On 28thFebruary morning I took my wife and girls to our Azeri
neighbour for
safety. They told me to get out because it was not safe. At night I went
out, it was dark, I had a torch and I saw Azeri soldiers in a military car
looking for Armenians. They were pulling out the Armenians from their homes
and taking them to the synthetic factory. I followed them. It was full of
people and plenty of drain pipes. Children were crying. I saw a woman in a
nightdress and a naked child on the floor, people trying to revive her. I
took my jacket off and covered her.I took my family and went to search for
my wife`s relatives in Baku.I came to a sailor and asked my way. We found
three corpses in the house and went upstairs and put an iron bar behind the
door to stop the Azeris entering. The iron bar was covered with blood. The
woman there said that the Azeris had just killed her husband, she herself
was covered with blood and died later. We buried her in the factory. I came
out of the factory to walk back to the house and saw a naked girl dancing
for a group of Azeri soldiers. Every so on they were burning her with their
cigarettes, I thought she was a Lezgui. But when she screamed : `akh Mama
jan, akh Asdvadz ` I realized that she was Armenian.One of the Azeri
soldiers said this is how we deal with Armenians. Some of the Azeris from
the factory came and asked me to go back and work for them, because they
did not know the techniques of the machinery. I said no. I managed to send
my family to Armenia. Then we ended up here and have been given this small
flat. It is 12 years `.
Assia Mardian from Baku
She said that one of her sons was in University and that it was his last
year. She herself worked in a swing factory. One day a bus full of Azeri
soldiers came and warned her and other Armenians to leave the factory. On
their second visit, she left. I hid in my Azeri neighbour's house for two
weeks, they gave me bread. Then the Azeri mob stoned the windows of my
house. One night one Azeri agreed to help us travel by train to Armenia. I
paid him 20 roubles. My son was already in Karabagh. First we rented a
flat, then went to a hostel room. The family settled in one room. My son
went to war in Karabagh. He came back and married. In 1992 every day we
were bombed. The hostel was destroyed and we all became refugees and
homeless. My daughter in law became very ill : her nerves. She was operated
on four times. In 1994 my youngest son was killed in the war. In 1995 a
bomb fell and my daughter in law was killed, my other son became blind and
I lost my leg. We have no money, no job and live together in one room.
Arevik Khatchatrian from Sumgait
I have too many horrible stories. It was cold and we were all hungry. I
have stayed in shelters for one and half year as refugee. Then we started
building these new houses. And we started living like humans. We have built
it with our own hands, the men from Sumgait are professionals We cannot
compare our lives with those of the Azeri refugees. But in our family only
one person works and 6 people eat. Life is very difficult. We get from the
Karabagh Government 5000 drams ( equivalent in 2002 to five pounds sterling
) a month. Sometimes we have to search for food in rubbish bins. If our men
could find a job we would be happy. They could even go to town for work.
Everyone will work. We are not afraid of working. For 15 years we have
received no aid, nothing. What we need most of all is STATUS. We must get
refugee status, so that the we can be helped. We are true, real, refugees
but are not treated like refugees.
Davidian ( I could not make out the Christian name ) from Baku
We were living in Baku, when one night the Azeri soldiers together with a
large Azeri mob attacked our house and broke all the furniture and all the
windows. They killed my husband. I suffer from epilepsy and my son was
beaten and lost his eyesight. I have three children. We escaped to Maragha.
In Maragha we stayed in the house of people who had been killed. The
windows were all broken. It was very very cold. From Maragha we came to
Karabagh. We live in one room. My son cannot work. I cannot work. We are
given 5000 drams ( five pounds ) a month. It is very little. We are very
poor.
Ghookas Vitkhar Aramian ( from Baku )
My ancestors come from Iran but I was born in Baku. When the massacres
started in Baku, I was beaten up and they broke all my teeth. They killed
my wife and I lost one eye. I managed to escape to here. I live alone. I
have no job. I receive 5000 drams a month. I am very poor.
Irina Hagopian ( from Sumgait )
When the pogroms started in Baku and my husband was beaten up, he became an
invalid. We have four children. We managed to run to Karabagh. Here the
conditions are very difficult. At least we feel safe. But we are very poor.
We have no hope. We need work. We need a status. We need to be registered
as refugees, maybe someone will help
Raya Khatchatrian ( from Baku )
I left everything in Baku and run for my life. I have two children. No job.
No money It is important that we get status. I understand if nobody helps
Karabagh
Government, then Karabagh Government cannot help us. But we are very poor
and hungry. The money we are given is so little that I do not know what is
more important to buy. But I still keep our room and my children clean. I
understand that they are hundreds of thousands like me. The Karabagh
Government gives what they can but maybe you could ask the World Government
to help Karabagh to help us. Thank you.
Nouneh Ghaboulian ( from Shahumian )
The Azeris came with their tanks full of soldiers. They killed everyone. I
walked for 20 days. I left everything behind. At the end I could not even
carry myself. I reached Karabagh and was homeless for six months. Now I
have this room and 5.000 drams a month. But what we need is work. Is
status. If the world would recognize the Government of Karabagh, then we
would have a status as citizens of a free country. Like this we are
nothing. We are not refugees. We are nothing.
( she was crying and could not continue ).
Maria Mikhailovna ( from Baku )
I fled with my brother when they started killing our people. My brother
moved to Russia. He is a refugee there. I am a refugee here in Shushi. I am
alone. My beautiful house was destroyed and all my things were taken by the
Azeris. It is very difficult for me to live on handout from the Government.
( She was clasping and crossing her fingers in shame and desperation : her
fingers were long, slim and elegant. The hands of an aristocrat and of a
woman who had not been used to domestic chores ). She swallowed her tears
and said : I have no hope.
Leonora Aroustamian ( from Shushi )
After the pogroms my husband died and I escaped to Yerevan, then in 1999 I
came back to Shushi. I am a medical nurse. I earn 12.000 drams. But it is
very difficult. The neighbours at this refugee center are looking after my
daughter. But it is very difficult for us.
Lena Zadourian ( from Baku )
The Azeris came and killed my husband and my son. They raped my
daughter-in-law for three days and she is half-crazy now. I look after her
and my grand-daughter who is 14. I am 67 years old. We have no money. We
live in one room. My grand-daughter has a beautiful voice, a voice of
velvet and I wish that one day she could become a great singer like my
mother was.
Rima Abadjian ( from Shushi )
When the Azeris came, they killed my husband. I fled and left everything
behind. I arrived in Stepanakert. After five years, I returned to Shushi,
to my house. It was burnt down. I have 4 children. My son is dead. I
receive 6.000 drams. But it is impossible to feed my family. We are very
poor.
Movsess Tevossian ( from Sumgait )
After the massacres in Sumgait I went to Giumri, then the earthquake
happened and I was homeless again. Then I came to Shushi and I am in this
refugee center now. I remember that in our village only, in Sumgait, there
were 18.000 Armenians. Now they say that there are only 35 Armenians left.
Where are the rest of them ? How many have the Azeris killed?
During all this time, the refugees, men, women and children were behaving
with great dignity and refrained from crying. It was poignant. It was the
saddest day of my life. Faced with such heroism I was deeply humbled but
unfortunately, to my own shame, I could not hold back my own tears. Tears
of sorrow, of sadness, of compassion and solidarity with these people's
sufferings were running down my cheeks, like the drops of the rain which
was still hanging from the leaves of the surrounding trees, that morning in
Shushi, in that cold November day, when I joined my compatriots in their
unbearable journey of reminiscence of their Golgotha and their sufferings.
The man called Edward Lazari Hagopian approached me with compassion and
handed me a book: a book of poems and he said ` tsaved danem me latzir'
(`let me carry your pain don't cry, don't cry.'
Tsaved danem.
Where, in which country in this world, in which culture will you see people
who have suffered so much, who have lost so much, who, themselves, carry
such heavy burden of pain and heart-breakingly sad memories, who live with
so little income and in such sordid situations will ever ask you to `let
them carry your pain' ?
What kind of people are we Armenians to feel and demonstrate such altruism
and love for mankind, when faith and destiny have been so cruel to us, as
if our own pain: the massacres, the invasions, the pogroms,the killings,the
rapes and the genocides we have suffered are not enough for us to carry in
our minds, in our hearts and on our shoulders that we can still take on and
carry someone else's pain to lessen their sufferings and make life better
for them?
I wish that this expression `tsaved danem' was also popular in Turkey and
adopted in their everyday conversation where they could ask us Armenians
`let me carry your pain'! Then they would understand and realize how heavy
that pain is to carry, how deeply it is felt and how destructive and sad it
is for us Armenians, that our pain is not being shared, nor recognized and
nor condemned by the ones whose ancestors have caused it.
Odette Bazil
10:16:37 - 05/07/2012
http://www.lragir.am/engsrc/society-lrahos26767.html
From: Baghdasarian