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CONFESSIONS OF A FORMER WHITE GUY
The Moderate Voice
March 3 2014
It came to my attention recently that I'm no longer white.
by RICK BAYAN
Don't get me wrong: I'm still a certifiable Caucasian. My ancient
Armenian ancestors hailed from the high plateau below the mountain
range that lent its name to the so-called white race. I'm more a child
of the Caucasus than your average Dane or Irishman. But it seems that
history and politics have exiled me from the realm of whiteness. Let
me explain.
After 9/11, I began to notice that "Middle Eastern" had become a
separate racial designation on application forms - along with the
customary "white," "black," "Asian," "Pacific Islander," "Native
American," "Hispanic" and "other." Apparently I had lived half a
century under a grievous misconception: that "Caucasian" was synonymous
with "white."
It was a natural mistake. After all, vintage comedian Danny Thomas
was a Middle Easterner like me. With that majestic honker of his,
he could have passed for one of my uncles. And most of us still would
have regarded him as white.
But the controversy came to a head this past Christmas, when
conservative pundit Megyn Kelly had the audacity to proclaim that
Jesus was white. In the firestorm that followed, it became manifestly
clear that the Son of God was to be regarded as a person of color -
along with Omar Sharif, Andre Agassi, Sandy Koufax, Tiny Tim, William
Saroyan and everyone else of Middle Eastern origin.
That bit of news sealed it for me: the writing was on the wall, and
I had no choice but to bid farewell to whiteness. No matter that the
title role in the latest Jesus movie went to a man who looks like a J.
Crew model. Jesus was now a former white guy, and by extension,
so was I.
I should have known all along. I was always the darkest denizen of
my grade-school class, even though I never felt slighted on account
of my swarthy complexion. Still, I used to notice that the ideal
American kid - especially as portrayed in Walt Disney films of the
pre-diversity era - was almost always blue-eyed and freckle-faced.
That wasn't me up there on the screen. Plunk me down in a desert for
a week, and I'd be as brown as any Bedouin.
Another former white guy of Middle Eastern parentage: the late
Danny Thomas
I have to confess that part of me is relieved to be a person of color.
After all, white people have been taking it on the chin ever
since the Civil Rights era. I'm grateful that I no longer have to
shoulder the blame for slavery, Jim Crow, systematic oppression,
colonial imperialism, hegemonic dominance and whatever else they've
been teaching about white people (and especially white Christian
heterosexual males) in today's academic Grievance Studies departments.
Living under such opprobrium can weary the soul.
In fact, now that I'm nonwhite, I can start railing against "white
privilege" - that most diabolically ingenious of grievances. You
see, white people can't do anything about the fact that they're
white. It's a designation that will haunt them for life and render
them helpless fodder for all manner of race-based accusations. We can
wag our fingers at them and they're not allowed to wag back. In short,
we have them trapped.
As a former white guy, I can safely raise the spectre of "white
privilege" whenever I'm rejected by a publisher or snubbed by the
membership committee of the local country club. I can seethe inwardly
whenever I think about white investment bankers making deals with
white politicians (as we all should).
But as a former white person and a student of history, I also know
that white people aren't some unified, monolithic juggernaut. Just
look at the record: these folks have been fighting one another for
centuries. The Hundred Years' War... the War of the Roses... the War
of Jenkins' Ear... even World War I - these were whites-only conflicts,
declared by white alpha males upon other white alpha males, and fought
almost entirely by lower-ranking white males who willingly gave their
lives to oblige their masters.
Foreground: Specimen of a Caucasian who is also certifiably white.
Background: A certifiably white polar bear for comparison.
It becomes apparent, if you do a little cursory research, that white
people are divided into dozens of distinct nationalities - not all of
whom have enjoyed special privileges in the past or present. I mean,
can I really point to Romanians and Bulgarians as the authors of
my systematic oppression? No? How about Serbs, Hungarians, Czechs,
Poles, Latvians, Finns and Norwegians? If they're off the hook,
who do I blame?
I suppose I can always aim a self-righteous barb at the WASPs, whose
British ancestors were - along with the Spanish conquistadors -- North
America's first illegal immigrants. After all, those WASPs swiped a
continent from its original inhabitants, introduced slavery to these
shores and dominated American life until the Irish, Italians, Jews,
Asians and other upstart groups forced them to share the glory. The
fact that they also gave us George Washington, Ben Franklin, Abraham
Lincoln, Mark Twain, Susan B. Anthony and Elvis Presley is almost
irrelevant.
But which WASPs should I blame? The farmers and townspeople of New
England? No, they may have been starchy and antagonistic to the
notion of pleasure, but they were, on the whole, sturdy and virtuous
folk. Do I blame the good Quakers of Pennsylvania or the enterprising
Knickerbocker merchants of old New York? No again; they did little
or nothing to oppress me and my kind; in fact, they were generally
liberal in their attitude toward minorities and newcomers.
Well, then, how about the Southerners who profited from the
back-breaking servitude of enslaved Africans? Now I'm ready to pounce.
But the problem here is twofold: first, only a tiny fraction of
Southerners ever owned slaves. Second (and probably even more
important), every last one of those slave-owners is DEAD. Not only
dead, but currently crumbling to dust in their graves.
I don't know about you, but I generally have a hard time blaming
crumbling skeletons for ruining my life. And because I don't endorse
the Old Testament concept of collective guilt, you won't find me
castigating today's white folks for the sins of their great-great-great
grandfathers. This former white guy will always judge individuals as
individuals. It might be a better world if we all did.
Rick Bayan is founder-editor of The New Moderate.
http://themoderatevoice.com/192194/confessions-of-a-former-white-guy/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaig n=Feed:+themoderatevoice+(The+Moderate+Voice)
The Moderate Voice
March 3 2014
It came to my attention recently that I'm no longer white.
by RICK BAYAN
Don't get me wrong: I'm still a certifiable Caucasian. My ancient
Armenian ancestors hailed from the high plateau below the mountain
range that lent its name to the so-called white race. I'm more a child
of the Caucasus than your average Dane or Irishman. But it seems that
history and politics have exiled me from the realm of whiteness. Let
me explain.
After 9/11, I began to notice that "Middle Eastern" had become a
separate racial designation on application forms - along with the
customary "white," "black," "Asian," "Pacific Islander," "Native
American," "Hispanic" and "other." Apparently I had lived half a
century under a grievous misconception: that "Caucasian" was synonymous
with "white."
It was a natural mistake. After all, vintage comedian Danny Thomas
was a Middle Easterner like me. With that majestic honker of his,
he could have passed for one of my uncles. And most of us still would
have regarded him as white.
But the controversy came to a head this past Christmas, when
conservative pundit Megyn Kelly had the audacity to proclaim that
Jesus was white. In the firestorm that followed, it became manifestly
clear that the Son of God was to be regarded as a person of color -
along with Omar Sharif, Andre Agassi, Sandy Koufax, Tiny Tim, William
Saroyan and everyone else of Middle Eastern origin.
That bit of news sealed it for me: the writing was on the wall, and
I had no choice but to bid farewell to whiteness. No matter that the
title role in the latest Jesus movie went to a man who looks like a J.
Crew model. Jesus was now a former white guy, and by extension,
so was I.
I should have known all along. I was always the darkest denizen of
my grade-school class, even though I never felt slighted on account
of my swarthy complexion. Still, I used to notice that the ideal
American kid - especially as portrayed in Walt Disney films of the
pre-diversity era - was almost always blue-eyed and freckle-faced.
That wasn't me up there on the screen. Plunk me down in a desert for
a week, and I'd be as brown as any Bedouin.
Another former white guy of Middle Eastern parentage: the late
Danny Thomas
I have to confess that part of me is relieved to be a person of color.
After all, white people have been taking it on the chin ever
since the Civil Rights era. I'm grateful that I no longer have to
shoulder the blame for slavery, Jim Crow, systematic oppression,
colonial imperialism, hegemonic dominance and whatever else they've
been teaching about white people (and especially white Christian
heterosexual males) in today's academic Grievance Studies departments.
Living under such opprobrium can weary the soul.
In fact, now that I'm nonwhite, I can start railing against "white
privilege" - that most diabolically ingenious of grievances. You
see, white people can't do anything about the fact that they're
white. It's a designation that will haunt them for life and render
them helpless fodder for all manner of race-based accusations. We can
wag our fingers at them and they're not allowed to wag back. In short,
we have them trapped.
As a former white guy, I can safely raise the spectre of "white
privilege" whenever I'm rejected by a publisher or snubbed by the
membership committee of the local country club. I can seethe inwardly
whenever I think about white investment bankers making deals with
white politicians (as we all should).
But as a former white person and a student of history, I also know
that white people aren't some unified, monolithic juggernaut. Just
look at the record: these folks have been fighting one another for
centuries. The Hundred Years' War... the War of the Roses... the War
of Jenkins' Ear... even World War I - these were whites-only conflicts,
declared by white alpha males upon other white alpha males, and fought
almost entirely by lower-ranking white males who willingly gave their
lives to oblige their masters.
Foreground: Specimen of a Caucasian who is also certifiably white.
Background: A certifiably white polar bear for comparison.
It becomes apparent, if you do a little cursory research, that white
people are divided into dozens of distinct nationalities - not all of
whom have enjoyed special privileges in the past or present. I mean,
can I really point to Romanians and Bulgarians as the authors of
my systematic oppression? No? How about Serbs, Hungarians, Czechs,
Poles, Latvians, Finns and Norwegians? If they're off the hook,
who do I blame?
I suppose I can always aim a self-righteous barb at the WASPs, whose
British ancestors were - along with the Spanish conquistadors -- North
America's first illegal immigrants. After all, those WASPs swiped a
continent from its original inhabitants, introduced slavery to these
shores and dominated American life until the Irish, Italians, Jews,
Asians and other upstart groups forced them to share the glory. The
fact that they also gave us George Washington, Ben Franklin, Abraham
Lincoln, Mark Twain, Susan B. Anthony and Elvis Presley is almost
irrelevant.
But which WASPs should I blame? The farmers and townspeople of New
England? No, they may have been starchy and antagonistic to the
notion of pleasure, but they were, on the whole, sturdy and virtuous
folk. Do I blame the good Quakers of Pennsylvania or the enterprising
Knickerbocker merchants of old New York? No again; they did little
or nothing to oppress me and my kind; in fact, they were generally
liberal in their attitude toward minorities and newcomers.
Well, then, how about the Southerners who profited from the
back-breaking servitude of enslaved Africans? Now I'm ready to pounce.
But the problem here is twofold: first, only a tiny fraction of
Southerners ever owned slaves. Second (and probably even more
important), every last one of those slave-owners is DEAD. Not only
dead, but currently crumbling to dust in their graves.
I don't know about you, but I generally have a hard time blaming
crumbling skeletons for ruining my life. And because I don't endorse
the Old Testament concept of collective guilt, you won't find me
castigating today's white folks for the sins of their great-great-great
grandfathers. This former white guy will always judge individuals as
individuals. It might be a better world if we all did.
Rick Bayan is founder-editor of The New Moderate.
http://themoderatevoice.com/192194/confessions-of-a-former-white-guy/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaig n=Feed:+themoderatevoice+(The+Moderate+Voice)