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Ankara: Headlines From The Centennial! - A Sequel

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  • Ankara: Headlines From The Centennial! - A Sequel

    HEADLINES FROM THE CENTENNIAL! - A SEQUEL (II)

    Hurriyet Daily News
    Oct 26 2012
    Turkey

    [email protected]

    Here we go with more headlines from the Istanbul press in the year
    2023:

    - Turkey's Supreme Islamic Scientific Committee has announced that its
    scientists have successfully developed an Islamic bulb which refuses to
    switch on if it senses alcohol within 25 meters. The committee said the
    invention would be nominated for the Islamic Nobel prize in physics.

    - A major in the Turkish Army has appealed to the European Court of
    Human Rights for having been expelled from service because his wife
    does not wear the Islamic headscarf. The court refused to examine
    the complaint on the grounds that Turkey had ceased to be a member
    of the European Council in 2019.

    - A probe into the errant bombing of Diyarbakır by Turkish fighter
    jets which killed 348 locals in January found that the tragedy had
    happened because of an Israeli conspiracy. The Homeland Security
    Department said it had arrested 26 more Israeli spies over the
    past week in connection to the plot, including five wild geese,
    seven dolphins, three falcons and 11 bluefish. An official said:
    "All of the suspects carried special tags that read 'Israeli spy.'"

    - Turkey and the outlawed PKK announced that they decided to hold
    their 276th round of secret peace talks in Kingston, Jamaica. A joint
    statement read: "We had been quite weary of the cold and depressing
    weather in Nordic countries."

    - The Turkish Parliament released a communiqué threatening all
    164 parliaments across the world that have recognized the Armenian
    genocide. It said: "We will have no alternative but to resort to
    fully using our global superpower capabilities in retaliation." The
    only response came from Vanuatu's Parliament, which said: "We are
    not afraid."

    - President Recep Tayyip Erdogan has praised the new democratic
    reform package in Saudi Arabia which allows women to drive if they
    are accompanied by at least four male members of their families.

    - Islam, the Quran and the Life of Prophet Muhammad has been introduced
    as a compulsory course in all university departments. Some academics
    objected that the new regulations could hinder a scientific curriculum
    as a student of mechanical engineering would now have to study Islam
    for more hours per week than mathematics.

    - After Mey Gida, an alcoholic beverages producer, applied to the
    tobacco and alcohol watchdog to obtain a license for its brand-new
    product, alcohol-free rakı, a food processor has applied to the
    authorities to win a license to produce pork-free bacon.

    - Human rights organizations criticized the Turkish government for
    systematically abusing and intimidating female government employees
    who don't wear the Islamic headscarf. A spokesman for the government
    replied that: "The accusations are totally baseless. On the contrary,
    we think we deserve praise for trying to help the non-pious employees
    find the right way and reach salvation."

    - The police have reported that during the holy month of Ramadan
    this year a total of 329 people across Turkey were caught red-handed
    while publicly chewing gum and smoking. The police said the suspects
    were arrested after having admitted guilt, although 326 of them said
    they were only visiting tourists from Britain, Russia, Japan, Italy,
    Spain, Canada and India. Two of the suspects were found to be Alevi
    Turks and one was an Azerbaijani national.

    - Ankara has threatened to take retaliatory action unless Libya,
    Tunisia and Egypt agreed to take Turkey as a role model for democracy
    in their respective countries.

    - The Supreme Board of Moral Values has decided to ban a new list
    of 26,450 books on the grounds that they could lead to a collapse
    of public order. The banned books include best-sellers like "Harry
    Potter and the Deathly Hallows," "The Adventures of Pinocchio,"
    "Gone with the Wind," "1984," "The Godfather," "Jaws," "Don Quixote,"
    "Tarzan," "Bridget Jones' Diary," as well as Bill Wilson's "Alcoholics
    Anonymous Big Book," Dante's "Divine Comedy," "The Oxford Advanced
    Learner's Dictionary" and Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and
    Influence People."

    October/26/2012

    http://www.hurriyetdailynews.com/headlines-from-the-centennial--a-sequel-ii.aspx?pageID=449&nID=33255&NewsCatID=398



    From: Emil Lazarian | Ararat NewsPress
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